


Just Pretend

by EmrysBeard



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Biting, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, FWB, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Grinding, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Songfic, bottom!Phil, dan's a lil kinky and a lot gay, handjob, no fluff sorry, top!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 03:29:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmrysBeard/pseuds/EmrysBeard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Song: Lies by Marina and the Diamonds</p>
<p>Summary: It started with a drunken one night stand, and it was never supposed to become this</p>
<p>For reference: Dan's dialogue is somanydestiel and Phil's is EmrysBeard</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Lies" by Marina and the Diamonds
> 
> Okay working with Em was so freaking cool she's super awesome and I totally recommend checking out all of her stuff and she's such a sweetie pie ahh!! I'll post chapter two tomorrow and three on friday so be on the lookout!  
> -somanydestiel

Tonight was the first one for a while that Dan gets to sit at home with Phil without the constant interruption from his girlfriend. As much as he cares about her, sometimes he just needs the time to spend with Phil. Tonight happens to be one of those times, as Cat was spending time with her family, and probably already in bed, if the lack of messages were anything to go by. It’s New Year’s Eve, and he gets to spend it with his best friend, a bottle of wine, and an anime on the television. Truthfully, he can’t think of a better way to bring in the new year

“I've got the popcorn,” a voice rings out from the other room, and then Phil comes in with two bowls of popcorn, one which he hands to Dan, and the other which he places on the coffee table in front of where he plans to sit. “Did you make up your mind on what we’re going to watch?”

Dan smiles around the rim of his wine glass, having poured them both a hearty amount while Phil was making snacks. “Probably Free! I’m in the mood for cute boys in speedos tonight.” He takes a sip, letting the warm taste fill his mouth.

“You're always in the mood for that,” Phil jokes lightly, laughing softly as he situates himself on the couch. “Do I get wine, or is this revenge for me eating your cereal earlier?”

“I hadn’t thought of that, but maybe I will,” says Dan, but Phil knows he’s teasing because he hands him a glass anyway.

“Thank you,” Phil smiles, taking a sip, before he jumps slightly due to a bang from somewhere outside, blue eyes turning to the window. “It's not even midnight yet and somebody set off a firework… I always liked looking at them, but I don't like the noise. They're too loud.”

Popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth, Dan smirks, chasing it down with more wine. “Same, but I think it’s worth it. They’re really pretty.”

Not answering, Phil gazes outside the window for several moments, watching as a bit of sparkle lights up the night sky, before he takes a sip of his own wine, smiling as it warms him from the inside, and he relaxes further into the couch with a happy smile. “I'm glad you could be here tonight. I'm happy you have Cat, but I prefer having company on New Years. It's nice to have someone to celebrate with, rather than being alone.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. At least I’m here now. We’ve still got like an hour or so until the countdown, so do you want to watch anime, or bant over Mario Kart in increasing amounts of drunken babbling?” Dan asks with one eyebrow raised.

“Well,” Phil takes another sip of wine. “I did go to the trouble of making popcorn, but if you'll eat it while we play Mario Kart, then fine. I'll beat you this time, maybe! After all, you've had more to drink than I have. Maybe that's my secret weapon!” Phil smiles playfully at Dan, before turning back to the tv and taking another sip, murmuring something about how wonderful it tastes.

“Yeah, right, okay. Let’s go then,” Dan mumbles, the slightest slur creeping into his speech. “Dibs on not getting a handicap this time.”

“Aw,” Phil pouted. “But do I have to have one? That isn't fair.”

“No, I’m not  _ that _ mean tonight. If you carry the wine bottle, I’ll let you have most of my popcorn,” says Dan, standing up, carefully balancing his popcorn in one hand, and his wine glass in the other.

“Sounds good to me!” Phil declares, snatching the bottle away to pour himself another glass, and then hurrying to grab a wii controller. He watches lazily as Dan turns on the wii, setting everything up, before coming to the character screen. “I'm going to choose someone different this time- here!” 

Dan mumbles something about how he’ll still win, but not loud enough for Phil to hear.

Phil giggles softly as he chooses Toadette, and then takes another sip, watching Dan tentatively. “Well, let’s-a-go!”

“You did not just- you spork!” laughs Dan, draining his wine glass and refilling it.

“Are you sure you're not having too much?” Phil murmurs suddenly, watching Dan with slightly confused eyes.

Dan pouts. “I’m a grown man, I can do things myself. It would do you good to loosen up some too, y’know.”

“Okay,” Phil mutters. Within moments, the game counts down, and then Phil’s full attention turns to the race. Smiling as he speeds ahead of Dan, and frowning when Dan discovers ways to catch up, Phil soon finds himself laughing lightly despite losing the race. “I was close at least! That was fun! Dan… You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Dan says, waving a hand dismissively despite the fact that his vague slur has now turned his words into more of a drawn out mumble.

“Um… Okay,” Phil swallows, one part of his head still worried, but that other part numb, happy, and readily dismissing any sort of trouble. 

_ Beep! _ Dan looks at his phone, which has started the timer he set. Licking his lips to clear them of any leftover traces of wine, Dan lets his eyes trace over Phil. “We’ve been playing a while, it’s almost midnight, less than a minute, in fact.”

“Oh… Really?” Phil blushes, gazing out the window, before startling slightly as Dan leans closer. “Well, we can count down then. I just want to say, though, thank you for such a good year. I think things went amazingly, and I'm sure they wouldn't have done without… Well without you. So thank you, okay?”

“You’re welcome. And- uh, it’s New Years, and maybe- um… no homo, right? It’ll just be two dudes platonically ringing in the new year with a kiss?” Dan stutters and stumbles over his words, a matching blush dusting over his cheeks. “What I mean is that it’s less than thirty seconds until 2016, and, um, yeah.”

_ Five. Four.  _ Phil blinks, the proposition clearly a surprise to him, however a shy smile lights up his face as Dan leans closer.  _ Three.  _ Phil means to ask if Dan’s sure about this, honest he does, and yet his voice catches in his throat.  _ Two. _ Instead, he closes his eyes and makes no protest as soft lips brush his own.  _ One. _ Suddenly, the words being called out throughout the building are more than just words. Suddenly, Phil realizes, this is indeed a  _ happy _ new year.

It’s not Dan’s fault. He can’t help how intoxicating Phil’s lips are as he climbs into his lap, threading his fingers through Phil’s hair. Alcohol and adrenaline mix in his veins to make him bold as he runs his tongue over Phil’s bottom lip, begging for entrance, begging for more. Since Phil seems frozen, Dan grabs his hands and places them on his bum before returning his own fingers to their task of keeping Phil’s lips within his reach.

Moaning softly, Phil finally leans into the kiss, all rational thought replaced with wine and a warm, wonderful affection that springs up from within him. He leans into Dan, revelling the feeling of Dan gently, and then a little more roughly pulling him closer, and whatever Phil had planned to say is now utterly erased from his mind. Phil doesn't even know how his hands end up pulling Dan closer, but suddenly there’s nothing between them except the flannel shirt that is too warm, surely due to the wine.

“My bedroom, lube and condoms,” Dan gasps, fingers beginning to play at the buttons of Phil’s shirt.

“O-okay,” Phil forces out, before being reduced to quiet noises again, cuddling closer to Dan.

Fighting back his own whimper at the loss of contact, Dan disentangles himself from Phil and strips away his shirt, all but sprinting into his room and fumbling in the drawer of his night stand for what he needs before bringing it back and throwing himself into Phil’s lap, shifting himself against him experimentally. Dan gasps and begins circling his hips against Phil’s, chasing the friction.

Phil feels like he’s on autopilot as he rolls back against Dan, trailing kisses down Dan’s neck and being rewarded by a soft gasp. Taking this as a cue, Phil gently bites at Dan’s collar bone, before kissing it again and pushing his hips up to meet Dan’s.

“F-fuck, marks,” Dan manages to get out, unable to keep talking and explain what he means before his voice is gone, replaced with quiet moans as he rolls his hips harder, putting his whole body into seeking out relief.

Phil honestly doesn't know how, but suddenly his skinny jeans join Dan’s on the floor, and then he’s flipping Dan onto his back to trail kisses further down Dan’s neck to his chest where he bites softly and then tries to snuggle closer to Dan, letting out a series of soft whimpers.

Without thinking about it, Dan grabs onto Phil’s hair and tips his head back, silently pleading for more. When Phil gives him nothing more than teasing nips and soft kisses, he reaches down and pushes away Phil’s boxers, kicking off his own as he watches Phil getting them the rest of the way off. Dan begins thrusting off the couch to continue grinding against Phil for friction. Every sensation is heightened without clothes in the way.

“Dan,” Phil suddenly moans softly, collapsing a bit weakly as Dan flips them over again. Phil bucks upward desperately, trailing his hands up and down Dan’s back and then cupping Dan’s bum as he pulls him closer again.

Biting his lip, Dan takes advantage of the new position and slides his body down Phil’s, looking him in the eye as his mouth hovers above Phil’s erection and then closes over the head, licking and working his hand over the rest. His other hand trails down to jerk himself off, making moans fill his mouth and in turn bringing more pleasure to Phil. Slowly, he begins bobbing his head up and down, taking more of Phil’s length each time, until his nose is brushing up against Phil’s hips, staying there for a long moment before coming up for air and focusing on just the head again.

“Dan,” Phil moans softly, thrusting upward again as his breath hitches, and soft noises of both pleasure and need dance from his lips. His hands clutch at the material of a cushion, eyes pressed shut, however just as Phil almost hits a climax, Dan pulls away, leaving Phil pushing upwards at the air, blindly crying out quietly as hands clutch at his hips. Phil, with great effort, prys his eyes open to gaze up at Dan with big, blue, puppy dog eyes, however this only lasts for a moment before Dan is descending toward Phil, and the dark haired man lets out a little noise, his lips circling into a surprised “O”.

Dan fumbles on the table for the lube and pours a generous amount on his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up before rubbing his fingers against Phil’s hole. “Relax,” he coos, peppering kisses along Phil’s inner thighs as a distraction while he slips the first finger in. Carefully, he begins thrusting it in and out shallowly, returning his attentions to Phil’s now leaking member and suckling the head as a distraction, making it easier to add another and scissor them to make more room for what’s to come. Pulling his mouth away with a pop, Dan licks his swollen and red lips. “Doing so good. Just stay relaxed.” By the time he pushes in a third finger, he’s seeking out Phil’s prostate. He knows he’s found it when Phil lets out a long moan and cants his hips upward.

Phil’s chest heaves up and down as he tries to catch his breath, however he doesn't get a chance as something inside him again sends chills through his body and another groan tumbling into the air. He isn't sure, but one of Dan’s hands seems firmly latched onto his hips, however it comes up to rest on Phil’s wrists, pinning them above his head. Phil doesn't quite realize just how wonderful he’d felt before, until Dan’s fingers disappeared, and Phil mumbles something of displeasure. He only waits a moment, however, before the hand around his wrists squeezes once, and then the place that before had felt so empty is being filled once again, and he moans more loudly this time.

Shutting his eyes, Dan spends a moment reveling in the feel of Phil, hot, tight, wet and clenching around him. After what seems like hours of waiting, Dan begins to carefully roll his hips forward and then start thrusting. Gently, he leans over Phil and kisses him. All too soon though, Dan begins to pick up speed until he’s moving so fast and hard that the couch groans in protest. The air is filled with the scent of wine and sex, accompanied by a symphony of moans, whimpers, and incoherent encouragements and pleads. Everything is a moment that Dan wants to hold onto forever, even though he probably won’t remember it in the morning.

Shuddering, Phil feels a loud noise escapes his lips, accompanied by a feeling of ecstasy, before he’s letting go to the feeling of something wet dripping somewhere. From what seems like behind a fog bank, Phil hears Dan swear softly, and Phil falls lax, floating in a cloud of pleasure.

“Tired,” Dan complains quietly, pulling out and collapsing on top of Phil. Sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank y'all for all your support so far <3

Sunlight… It streams down on Phil’s face unusually brightly, and with a start, Phil suddenly looks around. Confused, he tries to get his bearings, and finds himself not in his bedroom, but instead on the couch. Feeling something rustling, Phil rubs his eyes to wake up more, and then almost lets out a cry as he notices a very naked Dan curled up next to him on the couch. For a second, Phil’s mind is a blank, but then slowly last night comes back to him, and Phil’s cheeks turn bright red. Gazing back down at Dan, Phil almost shakes his head in wonder. How is it that someone who looks so angelic in sleep could do what had been done last night? Absentmindedly, a smile comes to Phil, and he brushes a hand along Dan’s cheek with the utmost gentleness.

Feeling something on his face, Dan blinks awake, but quickly shuts his eyes against the light. Already, he can tell that he’s hungover, and collapsed on top of someone. At first he thinks it’s Cat, but soon realizes that she’s not even in the city. A heavy feeling settles low in his gut. He _cheated_ on his girlfriend. But he also remembers last night being the best sex he’s had in years. Slowly, he cracks one eye open again, and bites back a yelp. Phil. Last night, he fucked his best friend, and it was amazing. Hurriedly, Dan gets up and ignores the dizziness and headache he has from drinking, and begins collecting his clothes, hoping that Phil hasn’t woken up yet, and he can just slip into the shower and forget.

No such luck.

“Dan?” Phil sits up, blinking slowly in confusion, his voice soft and hurt. “I… You're awake, I see. Um, are you okay?”

“We can never talk to Cat about this, okay? We have to forget it ever happened,” Dan half-whispers, hoping that Phil chalks up his brusque exterior to being upset about cheating, and not a result of realizing that he definitely had more fun with Phil in one night  then he has had with Cat in all the time they’ve been together.

“I… Of course,” Phil swallows, averting his eyes for a moment, before gazing up at Dan again, big blue eyes growing increasingly nervous. “I wouldn't want to, uh, come between you, if everything is okay anyway, but… Well, I mean, we… Well last night happened and so I was wondering, is everything okay between you two? I mean, what we did last night, that usually means something…”

“It means _nothing_ ,” Dan spits. “Just because I want to do that with you all the time doesn’t mean anything should happen to Cat and I-” Dan realizes what he’s said, and shuts his mouth with flushed cheeks. Pulling on his boxers, Dan takes a drink straight from the nearly empty wine bottle. “I’m going to go shower.”

“Wait, Dan?” Phil dashes after him, not bothering to cover himself, but instead choosing to hurry so he can stick his foot in the door jam and keep Dan from shutting the bathroom door. “Are you certain you're okay? You seem upset. Do… Had you really thought about that before? I mean… you don't need to lie to me Dan… I just… Are you happy with Cat, genuinely? I just want you to be happy.”

Dan laughs bitterly. “Be happy? I’m happy with Cat, but what we did isn’t right. To tell you the truth, last night was probably the best sex I’ve had in months, but I can’t do that to her. I won’t break up with her over a drunken mistake that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh.” The word is quiet coming from Phil’s mouth, and he opens his mouth to say something else. After hesitating for a moment, however, he slowly closes it, swallowing hard. After a moment of studying Dan, eyes flicking nervously to Dan’s face, Phil swallows again, head drooping. “Of course, I'd never want to hurt you and Cat’s relationship. I'm sorry last night happened. Um, don't worry, I won't talk about it anymore. I think I’ll, uh, go out for a walk. You can have breakfast without me. Say hello to Cat for me when you text her good morning.”

“Wait- Phil,” Dan says, calling after him. “Maybe we could, I don’t know, do it again sometime, but not like cheating on Cat? I don’t know what I’m saying, not even sure why, really, but it could just be two incredibly platonic best friends helping each other out every now and then. Nothing cheat-y or romantic about it, just a means to an end?”

“Dan,” Phil breathed softly, not turning around. “I dunno, I mean, I thought you just said you didn't want to do that again. I mean, how would that even work, Dan? I mean, how could it be platonic?”

“I don’t know, okay? I’m confused too, and I want to do all the couple-y things with Cat like go on dates and sleep in the same bed and buy her flowers, but I want to do… the other thing… with you. It wouldn’t be cheating and it would be platonic because it’s just two guys helping each other out.” Even to his own ears, Dan sounds desperate and the slightest bit crazy.

“Well,” Phil hesitates, swallowing hard to erase any trace of hurt from his eyes and face.

Going on dates, sleeping in the same bed, even just cuddling, it sounds so nice to Phil. It sounds intimate and yet sweet. Milling the situation over in his mind, Phil hesitates. Thinking hard, he thinks that what had happened last night had been close to cuddling, and maybe, just maybe, that sort of physical contact would be nice. Maybe it means more to Dan, and he just doesn't want to admit it. Maybe it isn't what Phil truly wants, but it’s close, Phil supposes. Finally, sure all sad emotion is gone, Phil turns to face Dan.

“Okay,” he speaks quietly, cursing the fact his voice shakes. “If that's what you want.”

Dan watches Phil for a moment, and then with a single nod, he disappears into the bathroom, leaving Phil to chew his knuckle, and then slink away to get dressed and curl on his bed, alone and thinking about last night.

That is what starts the beginning of a whole new part of Dan and Phil’s lives. Stress and anger never turn into arguments anymore, they simply melt into sex, and Dan leaving Phil’s bed once he’s asleep. Their existence is simply making videos and fucking between takes. Morning blowjobs and cereal, teasing touches under the table and meaningless flirting gone into far more dangerous territory. Some nights, Cat comes over, and she and Dan will disappear into his room early in the night, and Phil has to block his ears from what he knows is more than what he has. Other nights, Dan goes to Cat’s and comes back in the morning as opposed to that same evening, covered in marks that Phil wishes he left, but knows he’ll never be allowed to. Somewhere along the way, it stops being Dan and Phil, dynamic duo on camera, and becomes Dan. And Phil. Flatmates. Behind the scenes is the closest they ever get. They’ve lost everything, because they never sleep in the same bed at the end of the night, and Dan never says Phil’s name during, not since the first time. Everything is ‘babe’ or baby’.

Phil grows used to curling around someone safe and warm before falling asleep, and waking up to empty sheets and a slightly aching heart. One time, Phil wakes up to notice a series of purple marks along his neck, and that afternoon when Cat comes over, she asks him about his new girlfriend. Swallowing, Phil replies that it was a one time thing, and then excuses himself to hide away as Cat and Dan snuggle up to watch the rest of the movie they'd all three been enjoying before. Phil knows not to be jealous, though. The reality is cut and dry. Dan is Cat’s, and Phil is there because, according to Dan, he provides the ‘best sex’ Dan has ever had, or at least that's Dan’s point of view. Phil knows he keeps this up because at least when he falls asleep beside Dan he feels happy, and that happiness outweighs the ache in his heart in the morning.

Then one day, it’s different. Normally, when Phil does something even mildly flirty or provocative, Dan jumps on him. Not today. Phil comes into the room half-dressed and invites Dan to join him in the shower, but Dan doesn’t answer. Even calling his name doesn’t get his attention. Finally, Phil comes over to Dan and taps, which prompts Dan to turn and glare at him.

“Don’t touch me,” he says coldly, returning his eyes to his phone screen.

“Wh-Why?” Phil swallows, backing up before creeping closer again. Hesitantly, Phil reaches out to place a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Dan, what's happened? Has something happened? Are you alright?”

Shaking his head, Dan shuts off his phone and throws it across the room, burying his head in his hands. “Cat’s pregnant, and she’s not sure if the father is me or one of apparently three other guys she’s been fucking.”

“Three?” Phil squeaks, glancing at the phone, before deciding to leave it and instead lowering himself to the couch beside Dan. “I didn't know…”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Um… Well, I suppose it’s not so different, you know,” Phil averts his eyes, before hurrying to continue. “But I'm really sorry. Can I help? Can I do anything? Dan?”

“Just- I don’t know, Phil. I never wanted to hurt her, but she did this to ‘make me pay more attention to her’ and get back at me for ‘spending so much time with you’, or at least that’s what she said. It’s different. Right now, I think I need to think.” Dan stands up and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m going for a walk to blow off some steam.” Without gathering his keys, coat, wallet, shoes, or discarded phone, Dan throws open the door and walks out, not bothering to close it behind him.

“Dan, wait,” Phil tries to hurry after him. “Are you sure you should go walking right now when you're upset? Maybe you should stay here! Dan please come back… I can help make you feel better!”

“Phil…” Dan starts in a warning tone, but Phil keeps walking after him. Finally, Dan whips around and shoves him backward so that he falls on the pavement. “You can’t help, you’ve done enough. I’m fine.”

It’s easy to tell he’s not fine, though, if the fat tears rolling down his cheeks are any indication. He starts walking away, wiping his eyes and heading nowhere in particular.

“Dan, please, at least take a phone,” Phil pleads, digging through his pocket. “Here, take mine! It's fine. I know I'm a bother, and this is probably all my fault anyway, and I'm so sorry but just, please, it's not good to walk around and not be able to call for help if something happened or something. I'll worry about you. Dan, I'm so sorry… Cat still loves you, I'm sure she must. You're too amazing of a person for anyone to stop loving you.”

Taking Phil’s phone, Dan starts to walk again, but only makes it a few step before turning around and practically jumping into Phil, curling his fingers in Phil’s shirt and sobbing. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, pressing his face into the crook of Phil’s neck.

“It's alright, shh, someone could see you, and that'll make it worse with Cat,” Phil swallows, feeling selfish at how much he enjoys the hug, very gently pushing Dan’s shoulders away.

“Right, I’ll just go inside. Here’s your phone,” says Dan quietly, face crumpling with sadness as he goes back to the front door.

“Dan, why are you sad?” Phil swallows, hurrying to stand beside him again. “You know… Well, if the baby is yours, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll have to take it in,” Dan says, laughing bitterly. “With how much she drinks- you’ve seen the charges of her neglecting her pets. I would never leave her alone with my baby. If it’s mine, I guess I’ll either have to move, or it’ll live with us.”

“And if it isn't yours?” Phil asks meekly.

“Cat’s problem. I’m going inside.”

“Wait, did you break up, or not?” Phil catches Dan’s arm, before blushing and letting it go quickly.

“No, and I might not be able to- if she doesn’t get an abortion, someone has to stick around and stop her from drinking, and I get the feeling that the men she has on the side will not be as… compassionate,” Dan says softly, glancing down at his arm where Phil’s hand just was.

“Oh, well at least you'd be a good enough father, I mean, you're perfect and kind and you clearly have a good heart and I know you'll do what's right. Um, if you'll please excuse me,” Phil sprints past Dan suddenly, running to his room and collapsing into his bed quickly, breathing deeply to keep any sort of emotion down, instead of it bubbling up like it’s currently threatening to. This would be the end of Dan and Phil, because what is Phil without Dan? People only watch him because Dan’s there. Worse, though, was this would truly be the end of anything Phil had hoped to grasp onto. He knows it didn't mean anything, anyway, the affection they'd shared. New Years means nothing to Dan, nor do the following kisses, cuddles, and nights of sex; but they mean something to Phil.

Sadly going back inside, Dan sees on his shattered phone screen that Cat messaged him a few more times.

 _i was just kidding lol_ **2:34**

 _baby_ **2:48**

 _babe wtf_ **2:53**

 _seriously dan_ **3:12**

 _fine. im breaking up with you._ **3:16**

“FUCKING BITCH!” Dan screams at the top of his lungs, throwing his phone again.

A crunch and a glittery rain of glass informs him that now it’s truly broken. However, to Dan, it doesn’t matter. He curls up in a ball on the couch because he ruins everything. Overreacting lost Cat, and the way everything is with Phil- suffice to say, Dan doesn’t have him anymore either. A quiet noise that sounds suspiciously close to a sob echoes from the bedroom, followed by a soft gasp, which draws Dan’s attention upwards.

“Phil?” Dan calls, going over to the bedroom and pressing his ear to the closed door.

“Um, one moment,” a nervous, emotion-heavy voice calls back, and there are several moment of rustling before the door peeks open, Phil obscured by shadows due to his lights being off and his curtains drawn.

Dan sighs. “Please, let me in. Why are you crying?”

“What do you mean, I'm not,” Phil lies, sniffling at the end, and his face turning sheepish.

“I’ve known you for seven years, Phil. I can tell.”

Nervously, Phil opens the door and turns on the light, revealing red puffy eyes and clumped lashes, partly hidden by his fringe. He wrings his hands, swallowing hard and displaying an overall persona of miserableness. Rather than risking speaking again, he watches Dan to try to determine his next move.

“Please, tell me what’s wrong so that I can fix it,” whispers Dan, grabbing Phil’s cold hands and pressing them between his own.

“All I ever wanted was a nice, I don't know, relationship. I just wanted to care about you, and cuddle you, and love you,” Phil suddenly hiccups as the tears come unabated again, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to stop his sniffles and sobs. “And I'm sorry, because I've been selfish and I ruined everything for you and Cat and I'm sorry and now you're going to leave and it's probably a good thing because I've ruined everything, and I'm sorry. What we did was wrong, even if I liked it, and I’m so, so sorry…”

“Hey, it’s okay, Phil. It wasn’t fair to you for me to do what I did. Let me make it up?” Dan reaches up to Phil’s face with one hand and wipes the tears from his cheekbones away.

“But what about Cat?” Phil hiccuped as Dan began to kiss his cheek, wearing Phil’s determination away. “And your… Your baby… I shouldn't, it’s wrong, Dan…”

“I’m done with Cat. We’re done. She’s not a part of my life anymore. I screamed because she messaged me saying that she was joking, that there is no baby.”

“Well, then won't you,” Phil broke off with a soft moan before struggling to finish his sentence. “Won't you go back with her?”

“No, because she lied to me, and then dumped me when I didn’t reply quick enough. I’m done with her.”

“Oh,” Phil spoke slowly, trying to ignore Dan’s hands for the moment. “Well, aren't you sad? I mean, you broke up with your girlfriend.”

Dan smiles bitterly. “I’m hurt, yes, but I can handle it.”

“Well,” Phil bites back another soft moan. “I mean, well, is this how you’ll handle it? I mean, just have more of this with me? Will this make you feel better?”

“It’s not about feeling better, Phil, don’t you see that?” Dan says gently, searching Phil’s eyes. “This is me saying I was stupid, and that I want you.”

“You mean you care?” Phil asked softly, staring at Dan hopefully. “You're not just saying that, you mean maybe it can be more than just two guys platonically helping each other?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry this is so late in the day, I was at the beach with my friends from church. Anyways, here's the final chapter!

Dan knows he made a mistake. He’s known since the very first night he spent in Phil’s bed as official boyfriends. Lonely, desperate, looking for a way to cope, and in denial, he went to his best friend and took advantage of him. Almost every night, Dan feels like throwing up, because what kind of monster is he to do that?

“Dan?” Phil pokes at Dan, completely unaware of the thoughts racing through his boyfriend’s head. It's just after 2 am, and Dan has just come to bed. Phil yawns slightly, waking himself up so he can turn to wrap his arms around Dan, reveling in the warmth. “I'm glad you're finally here. You finish editing the video, Dan?”

“Maybe,” Dan mumbles, curling into Phil’s arms and burying his face in his chest.

“Well, if you did, I can be there while you upload tomorrow,” Phil murmurs softly, a smile gracing his lips. “Dan- You're happy, aren't you? I am… I know it's bad that you lost Cat, but maybe in the long run it’s a good thing! Don't you think? Maybe?”

Dan hums. “I don’t know. I don’t really like talking about her, but it’s nice that I have you. Gorgeous,” he pauses to scoot up the bed and kiss Phil’s jaw, “Funny.” Another. “Smart.” Another. “You.” He finishes by pressing a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips and smiling.

Phil hums happily, kissing back gently and pulling Dan carefully to his chest. Things seem perfect now, in Phil’s mind, and he murmurs as such to Dan. “Dan, you know I really like cuddling like this. I remember it all started out with the part about helping each other, but I think this has helped more than anything. Don't you agree? Dan you've been so quiet lately.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m just thinking about a lot lately, I guess. I devoted a lot of my time to Cat, and it’s hard to realize all the time I wasted could’ve been spent with you.” Dan threads his fingers into Phil’s hair and kisses him again, more insistently this time.

“Oh,” Phil’s face heats up, but whatever he was planning to say gets drowned out by Dan’s lips on his own, tongue begging for entrance. Phil gives a little sigh, partly sad that the warm cuddles are over. Yet, when Phil’s mouth pliantly opens, thoughts from before quickly leave his head, only to be replaced with the pleasure rushing through his veins, and how Dan’s must look right now. If the light was on, Phil could marvel at him, yet Dan nearly always keeps the lights out during sex these days.

When Phil opens his mouth, Dan doesn’t hesitate to pull Phil’s hair harder and press his whole body up against him, craving more than what he has. He pushes one leg between Phil’s and begins moving his hips in chase of friction against Phil’s thigh.

“Need you,” he breathes, one hand leaving Phil’s hair to move down to his boxers and push them off, silently begging Phil to do the same to his own.

Phil instinctively bucks his hips forward, up against Dan. He almost forgets that Dan’s boxers are still on, and for a moment he patiently waits for Dan to pull them off. When he doesn't, Phil tentatively reaches forward, nervously pulling Dan’s down, before the other boy’s all over Phil, one arm tugging him closer while the other pulls his hair back insistently, and Phil lets out a soft whimper.

Now that there’s nothing between them, Dan rolls them both over so that he’s poised above Phil, rolling his hips down in rhythmic thrusts. His lips messily trail down Phil’s neck, biting and sucking at the pale skin there, reaching down and wrapping his hand around their cocks to jerk them off at the same time, moaning loudly at the feel of it. Everything is too much stimulation all at once, but it’s not enough. Moving even lower, Dan reaches Phil’s shoulders and starts to bite down hard enough to leave bright pink tooth marks that will fade to pale purples and blues. 

“Dan?” Phil whimpers softly, before he breaks off whatever he was going to say with a whine, hands nervously meeting Dan’s shoulders. Mind torn in the moment, Phil wraps his legs around Dan, not wanting him to leave, yet his arms push slightly against Dan’s shoulders, nails making little half moons that appear as shadows in the dark. Phil tries to bring his head to rest in the crook of Dan’s shoulder hopefully, yet with Dan moving around so much, Phil’s head falls back against the pillow with another soft whine.

“Fuck, Phil, so good for me,” Dan whispers. “Always so amazing.”

Phil’s eyes fall shut peacefully at that, and whatever he doesn't like about the way pinpricks of pain are growing along his collarbone seems insignificant now. Now he simply focuses on the whispered praise, bucking up against Dan in silent hopes of hearing again that whatever it is he’s doing is making Dan happy.

Grinning against the skin of Phil’s collarbone, tasting the slight sheen of sweat, Dan speeds up the movements of his hands and nips at the protruding bone, instantly soothing the slight ache with his tongue and then moving back up his neck and kissing it again.

“‘M close,” he pants.

Phil grows hopeful at that, and then loops his arms more tightly around Dan, catching his fingers in Dan’s soft hair. He intertwines his fingers, doing his best not to pull too much. Tilting his hips skyward, Phil feels contact with Dan, and he lets out a loud moan, realizing he too is close. Feeling almost awkward, but caught up in the moment, Phil strains his head upwards to kiss passionately at Dan’s neck, before gently licking at the spot that always makes Dan happy.

“Ah, f-fuck,” cries Dan before coming all over his hand and Phil’s stomach, turning his attentions to Phil and jerking him as fast as his hand will move in a plea for him to finish. As if having an idea, Dan’s face lights up, and then he ducks down and takes the head of Phil’s member into his mouth, sucking and licking while continuing to work his hand over the rest, free hand pinning Phil’s hips to the bed.

“Dan,” Phil breathes, jerking upwards once more before he lets go, moaning loudly. His hands fall limp as he gives a tiny smile. Phil almost tries to scoot down the bed to get to Dan, but something stops him. Forcing his eyes open, he can just barely see Dan through the darkness, lips not yet pulled away from Phil, their eyes meeting before Dan looks away. Suddenly, the pinpricks along Phil’s neck, collar and pecs seem to hurt more, and he lets out soft mewl.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Dan says softly, crawling up the bed and curling into Phil again for the warmth his arms offer. “So good, so sweet, so perfect for me,” he adds, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of Phil’s chest.

Finally relaxing, Phil pulls Dan into his arms and rests his head against Dan’s shoulder. Phil feels a sort of relieved wave of calm rush over him, and he closes his eyes gently. And yet, something makes Phil’s eyes flicker open again, and he rumbles out a quiet question, half asleep and in a dreamland. “Why’d you never say my name anymore?”

“What d’you mean?” Dan asks, tracing swirling patterns on Phil’s skin slowly and shutting his eyes.

“I dunno, whenever we,” Phil blushes slightly as he yawns. “Whenever we have sex, or whatever that was, you never say my name… That's okay. ‘M sorry I asked. It's okay.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m just tired.”

Dan doesn’t answer the question, but he presses his whole body into Phil and lets sleep overtake him.

\-------------------------

Phil wakes up to a few aches and pains spread across his chest. Groaning softly, he begins to stand, however Dan’s arms are wrapped around his waist, keeping him in bed. Dan mumbles something as Phil tries to stand to see what is hurting him.

“Morning,” Dan says, yawning and kissing Phil’s jawline and up his neck. “How’d you sleep baby?”

“Good, since you're here,” Phil blushes, however when Dan kisses a soft blue mark, Phil winces, flinching away.

Glancing up, a small frown tugs down the corners of Dan’s mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, they just hurt a bit,” Phil shrugs noncommittally, before he forces a cheeky, joking smile and nudging Dan. “Thanks to you!”

“Oh, sorry,” Dan says half-heartedly, sitting up and stretching his arms, letting out a soft sound of pleasure when his back cracks. Then he’s getting out of bed, dressing and combing his fingers through the tangles in his curly hair. “I’m going to film a video today.”

“Oh, okay,” Phil smiles, slipping out of bed to pull on sweatpants. When he sees his reflection in the mirror, he winces a bit. “Looks like I'd better stay clear of the camera for a bit. You know, since this is all a secret…”

“Yeah, probably.” Dan scratches the back of his neck and heads out of the room. A few minutes later, the sound of the shower fills the flat.

Phil stays in the shower extra long thing morning, the warm water feeling good against his back and chest. It seems too soon that the water grows tepid, and so he steps out to wrap a towel around his waist. Wandering over to the mirror, Phil sighs as he realises there's no way to cover some of these. So much for lunch with PJ, who still didn't know of the change in Dan and Phil’s lives. Shrugging, Phil wanders out of the room to make breakfast, however he freezes when he realises he’s walked into Dan’s video, since for some reason Dan decided to shoot it in the lounge.

Trailing off his sentence, Dan looks over at Phil, eyes roaming over his figure. “Everything okay?” he asks, glancing between the camera and Phil.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, didn't realize you were shooting it in here,” Phil swallows. “Um, I'll make us breakfast. Also, I've gotta call PJ to call off having lunch with him…”

“Why?” Dan asks, fixing his fringe.

“Well, he’ll see the marks and find out, which is bad, unless you want him to know,” Phil speaks almost hopefully.

With a quick smile, Dan nods. “Yeah, I would cancel lunch.” He turns back to his camera and starts talking again, a cold dismissal of Phil.

Phil feels his chest grow heavy, however not wanting to interrupt Dan further, Phil creeps into the kitchen. Leaning weakly against a cabinet, Phil swallows the slight lump in his throat. Dan's right, nobody can know because news spreads fast, however a small part of Phil’s brain wonders why it would be so bad for people to know. It's not as if other Youtubers aren't out of the closet. Still, Phil respects Dan’s choices, so he simply goes about making eggs and toast, keeping it warm until Dan finishes his video and comes to breakfast.

When he’s finished filming, Dan comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist from behind, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder and tilting his head to the side so that he can kiss up the side of Phil’s neck, adding to the collection of marks that are already there.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispers.

“Oh, sure, of course,” Phil swallows, almost pulling away but thinking better of it. “Dan, um, I made breakfast, if we could just, I don't know, skip to that and start eating?”

Dan hums in agreement and serves food onto plates for both of them and carrying them to the dining room table. Either not noticing or not caring that Phil’s still in the kitchen, Dan sits down and begins to eat, occasionally letting out compliments, but staying silent for the most part.

“Remember when we used to watch anime at breakfast,” Phil tries to start a conversation when he sits nervously beside Dan. “I've been thinking, we could do that and cuddle and things, wouldn't that be nice Dan?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbles, standing up. “I’m done though, maybe tomorrow?”

“Oh, okay,” Phil watches Dan walk back into the kitchen. Gazing down at his half eaten food, Phil feels a slight rumbling in his stomach, however he ignores it as he declares himself done as well. Phil scurries after Dan, however he hesitates, pulled between wanting to be with Dan and realises he must be becoming too clingy. Phil stands beside the sink, watching Dan fussing with something on the counter. Opening and closing his mouth several times, Phil finally builds his courage and walks over. “Dan, what are you plans for the day? We haven't hung out and played video games in a long time, maybe, you know, we could sometime?”

“I dunno, I’m kinda tired right now,” Dan says, trying desperately to keep his phone screen hidden.

“Oh, yeah, ‘course, don't worry about it,” Phil swallows, his chest growing even more heavy. “Um, at least you're enjoying your new phone, I see. That's good…” Phil trails off awkwardly.

“Hmm? Oh, right, yeah, I like it,” he stammers, closing his eyes and willing himself not to sound so awkward and at the same time praying that Phil won’t try to see the screen.

“Well, I guess whenever you want to do something, I'll be free,” Phil forces a smile and wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, kissing his cheek very gently. Dan quickly places his phone screen down on the counter, but Phil ignores it, kissing once more before stepped away. “I love you very much, Dan, I'll be in our room.”

“Okay, love you too,” Dan says, quickly pulling his phone screen up again.

 

**_Cat_ ** _ : _

_ i know ur still mad at me  _ **9:12**

_ but i still want to be with u  _ **9:13**

_ i miss u  _ **9:14**

**_Dan:_ **

_ do u miss me  _ **9:14**

_ or do u miss getting into my pants  _ **9:15**

 

**_Cat:_ **

_ please baby  _ **9:16**

 

Dan sighs and scrubs his hands over his face, setting down his phone and going back to his and Phil’s room, where the older is scrolling through twitter. Without thinking, Dan curls up by his side, letting his head fall into Phil’s lap.He mewls contentedly when Phil starts stroking his hair.

“I love you so much, you're so wonderful,” Phil hums, running his fingers through Dan’s hair and giggling as he scratches gently behind his ears, before smiling and going petting through his hair again. “If you're tired, you can fall asleep. I won't ever go away.”

“Love you too,” Dan says, so incredibly quietly that he’s not even sure he said it out loud. All he can really think about are Cat’s messages. It could be a good thing, to get back with her, but it would destroy any chance he has with Phil of retaining their friendship. It’s essentially a life or death decision.

“Something’s on your mind,” Phil hums, rubbing Dan’s temples gently. “Is it something I can help with?”

Dan shrugs. “Cat messaged me today. She wants to get back together.”    

“Oh,” the noise is small and involuntary, erupting from Phil’s throat with a squeak. His hands fall away from Dan suddenly, bouncing slightly as they hit the bed, Phil’s gaze far away. “I see. That's… I mean, wow.”

“Yeah, she said she misses me and that she still wants to make it work.” Dan rolls over so that he’s facing upwards at Phil. “I’m not sure what to do, at this point.”

“I… I thought you were done with her, that you didn't care about her anymore, that we are happy,” Phil’s voice is strained.

“I thought I was done too, but now I’m not sure,” Dan says, not making any response to Phil’s mention of happiness.

“But Dan, what about us?” Phil suddenly begs, the question coming out before he can stop it. Suddenly he doesn't want to know the answer to that question, and yet he can't help asking more. “Before it was just two guys helping each other, and now it's more, and if you don't know what to do about her, then what about us, Dan? I thought you said you cared.”

“I need time to think, get my head in one piece,” Dan says quickly, shooting up and all but sprinting out of the room. His phone is waiting on the counter with a new message.

_ take all the time u need  _ **9:18**

Groaning, Dan buries his face in his arm and wills his thoughts to make more sense.

“Dan?” Dan hears Phil calling. He enters the room moments later, face slightly flushed. “Dan did you go out? Oh, there you are, sorry, I just didn't want you to forget your phone if you went out. Um, you probably want to be alone while you figure this out, but Dan just remember, I'll never do what she did, okay? I promise. You're the most perfect person in this whole world. I was right, though, it's impossible to stop loving you.” Phil’s wide blue eyes droop to the ground and he leans weakly against the wall.

“Phil, I- I made my decision..”

Phil’s eyes turn very slowly up to meet Dan’s, eyes brimming with crystalline tears.

“I choose Cat.”

Phil opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a soft noise that sounds close to a sob, before he nods, trying his very hardest to hold himself together, before dashing from the room, up into the bed they'd shared, where he curled in a ball and bit his knuckle to stifle any cries.

Immediately Dan knows he’s made a mistake in leading Phil on, but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment. He has a second chance with Cat, but he’s lost his friendship with Phil, without a doubt. From the beginning, Dan should’ve known better than to start it. Should have known Phil would do something stupid like fall in love. He should have known it would end like this.

The next time Phil saw Dan, it was on his way downstairs, a backpack slung over his shoulder, stuffed full of clothes.

“I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to visit my family for a bit,” Phil’s voice is near a whisper, his throat aching from his attempt to hold back more tears. “Don't hurt yourself or anything, and just call… Call Cat if you're ever lonely. Make sure she knows you get scared at night and like being held in the dark, and that you like watching anime in the mornings, and when you're cold a hug is the best way to warm you up.”

“I, uh, I will. Have fun, I was going to invite her over tonight anyways.” Dan finds himself choked up with emotion, but can’t put his finger on why. “I’ll see you when you come back, yeah?”

Phil shakes slightly with the attempt to keep his tears from falling, but he forces out a little “yeah”, before backing towards the door. He memorizes the way Dan looks, the little dimples on his cheeks, the sweep of his hair, the way he slouches just a little, hardly enough to notice, before he nods once more.

“When I come back,” Phil chokes out, nodding, and then he slips away from the flat, and away from Dan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When i come back?" you mean if, Philly

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys if you liked this press that kudos button and maybe leave a comment? We're both on tumblr at somanydestiel and emywright-funpics so check us out!


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